Peyton's 1st bday

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Am I making a mistake?? :/

Every year the Louisville Zoo holds "the world's largest halloween party" and if you've ever been, it's pretty much complete chaos. You can hardly walk 2 feet without getting run over by a stroller, or without running someone else over with your stroller. It's crowded, and you're almost guaranteed to step in bubblegum, get sticky candy on you, get something spilled or spit up on you, or perhaps your luck might have it that a bird poops on your head, or you step in some other type of animal poop.

We've braving the crowd and taking Peyton for her first "trick or treat" experience tonight! My sisters and their babies are going too. So this could either turn out to be great, or it could turn out to be hectic and stressful. Either way, it'll be an experience not to forget! I'm running on about 5 hours of sleep, which is not NEAR enough for me. So I'm trying to drink as much coffee and sweet tea that I can in order to prepare myself for the big event tonight...and it's not really helping with anything other than making me pee every 10 minutes and making me feel shaky.

Anywho...I was going to work out and complete my day 4 of the 30 day shred...but I have Gracie today and given my current state, it's probably not wise for me to work out today!

On a totally different note: I went grocery shopping (admittedly I haven't been in more than 2 weeks) and only managed to spend $140! Before my coupons I was almost at $200. So I'm slowly getting back into the coupon swing of things! Took me a while, but yesterday I went through my coupon book and organized it, threw away all the expired ones and cut out new ones. The way I have organized my tiny book has helped me tremendously! (Broken down by breakfast foods, frozen foods, refrigerated foods, canned foods, bath items, etc.) I also checked out the latest Kroger ad and matched up some of my coupons ahead of time to some items that were on sale already! I love having plug ins, refills and air/fabric fresheners on hand that smell great. Air wick and glade items are on sale at Kroger...combine them with coupons and you get a steal!

For example, I got a free air wick warmer unit (plug in), a double refill pack of air wick scented oil for $2.49, purchased 2 Glade room sprays (fall scent) for $1.24 a piece, pop tarts for $1.56 a box (for 3), box of snuggle sheets for $2.59, their frozen chicken breasts were on sale, as well has a huge rump roast...so all in all I was pretty pleased with all of my purchases. I didn't have coupons for nearly everything I needed, but I'm stocking up and I have a good feeling about my next trip. :)

Seriously...we're pretty cool...

I'm not talking about TJ and I, although really we are! Hahaha! I'm talking about LifePointe. It's our church...although it's definitely more like a family than a church has ever been for us. TJ and I started checking out LP about 2 1/2 years ago (wow..seems longer than that!). We got invited by our really good friends Jen and Andy. Honestly we went because we weren't happy with where we were...we just didn't fit in anymore, and both of us felt God leading us somewhere else but we didn't know where. TJ and I were at a very critical point in our lives and I don't think we realized it at the time how critical it was. Not that we were having hard times in our marriage or anything! Quite the contrary...I mean that if we hadn't moved out of where we were attending church, we could have very easily fallen stagnant with our faith. ("So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth." Rev. 3:16)

The moment we walked out of the first service we attended at LP, we looked at each other and knew that this place would be our "home". A place where we could be authentic and real. A place even where we would not be embarrassed or feel weird about asking someone to come visit b/c of being afraid of how others would greet them, look at them, etc. Most of all, we felt that this was a place we could really dig in and grow an even stronger connected relationship with Jesus.

The message was real, the people were real, the music was real...it was none of that fake church front that is put on by so many. I used to invite people to church so they would leave feeling all warm and fuzzy inside...in hopes that something about the sermon or the music would spark something to put a smile on their face. I invite them now because I know that deep down everyone has an empty spot in their heart and in their soul and the ONLY thing that can fill that is the unconditional love of Jesus Christ...and I want nothing more than for people to find Him and fill their void. It doesn't mean that I think LifePointe is the only place they should go to get this void filled. It just means that I truly believe LifePointe is a safe, authentic place for people to check out the claims of Jesus Christ, to give their hearts and lives to Him, to fall in love with Him, and develop a beautiful and deep connection with Him.

There were several times I wanted to, and seriously almost gave up on God and church all together. You see, I have been in church all my life...growing up my parents took us to church (against our will!) every single Sunday (and sometimes Wednesday night). So my faith wasn't new. I wasn't a "new" Christian...even though I believed in Christ long before, I was officially saved at age 17 and was on FIRE for God (as many new Christians are). I distinctly remember wanting nothing to do with God about 2 years ago...after suffering through 3 miscarriages I was done. How could a God I gave my whole heart to do something like that? Put me through something like that? I could not bear losing another child...I could not fathom the thought of getting pregnant again only to have my body fail me, and what seemed like my Lord and Savior fail me too. I seriously felt like God was a giant kid on top an ant hill with a magnifying glass trying to zap tiny, inconspicuous me just for spite. I felt no love, I felt absolutely nothing. I remember asking TJ "why should I continue to love and serve a God who doesn't care?" And then after sticking it out, continuing to go to church, continuing to pray, I lost my fourth baby.

I was so completely devistated, and I think pretty much everyone around me knew it. December of 2008 was a turning point for me in my faith journey though. TJ kept encouraging me...my friends and family kept encouraging me...and something kept pulling me back to church, back to God. That December my good friend and pastor, Jamey told me he wanted to pray over me. I was immediately excited. Some people may have been skeptical, but I did know Christ, and I knew of his miraculous healings...and I just hoped that this would be IT. After many, many doctors and specialists telling me "there is nothing medically wrong with you to cause your miscarriages" and after many, many painful tests done on my body to tell me that there was nothing physically wrong that was causing me to miscarry, I was more than ready for something, anything different.

One of my last "tests" was an ultrasound where they inject and fill your uterus with saline solution and take lots of ultrasound pictures to see if there are any abnormal growths inside the uterus. The doctor found something suspicious, but told me she wouldn't do anything about it unless it started to grow. I would have to come back in a month to have the test redone to find out if there was actually something that needed to be removed...if there was ACTUALLY someTHING that was causing me to miscarry. Deep down I hoped there was...I hoped that there was something the doctors could fix.

December of 2008 all of my family and friends came to the church service. At the end of the service we partook in communion and some others got prayed over as well. Jamey anointed my head with oil, and all of my friends and family stood around me, they placed their hands on me and prayed out loud. I sobbed. I had nothing left in my body to give, and it was so powerful, I sobbed...and I did pray that God would allow me to receive His healing. That day I felt the most indescribable feeling of my life. That day changed my life.

January 2009 I went back to the doctor, had the test done again to find out that the so called "spot" in my uterus was gone. They could not tell me (medically) what happened. End of February 2009 I found out I was pregnant with my baby girl, Peyton. November 4th, 2009 at exactly 2:00 pm my sweet miracle baby was born in perfect health. Today she is the most precious and beautiful 11 month old I know! I owe it to God...I owe her to God...I owe my life, my everything to God. So seriously, it doesn't matter where you go to seek Him, just seek Him...and you will find Him. And I promise, your life will never be the same.

DAY 3 COMPLETE...with chocolate cake too!

OK...back on my workout regimen! I lost sight of my goal for about a week...got lazy. There's really no other excuse! But I completed day 3 of the 30 day shred, and I must say I feel pretty darn good! After my workout I did feel pretty queasy as usual. We had dinner at the in-laws tonight...fried chicken, mashed potatoes, baked beans, macaroni & cheese and rolls. Then I came home to have the last piece of chocolate cake from KFC. Alright, so my eating habits need some major tweaking! I'm taking baby steps here! :)

On a totally different note, I just have to say my peace about something. This month is October (duh) it's also breast cancer awareness month. I fully support breast cancer, and think it's a horrible, terrible disease. But I can't help but wonder why breast cancer gets so much hype? There are many many other types of cancer, yet this one in particular gets all the glory. I don't really get it. I know breast cancer is just as serious, and is probably among the top things that kills women (next to heart disease). When I see all the NFL football players go all out to wear all the pink, it does make me just a tad bit mad. Breast cancer is one of the most survived cancers of them all, and it is the most funded. So why don't we focus our efforts on another type of cancer? Again, I'm glad that the funding has happened for breast cancer, that is probably why they have been able to save people's lives...through all the research and whatnot. I'm just ready for everyone to focus on all the other cancers and help fund and support those too.

Fall is here, my mums are dead.

So Louisville's weather is finally cooling off! I'm trying to motivate myself to take Peyton to the zoo a couple times a week just to walk around for the exercise...I would love to go but just not sure yet about going just me and her! I need to buy and carry some pepper spray, or maybe a taser. Perhaps then I would feel more comfortable! But then I worry about "what if she gets in to the pepper spray or tases herself on accident?" Geez, when did I become such a worrier? I know, I know...it will only get worse. Blah, blah, blah.

So while on Facebook earlier, someone's status got me thinking about lost friendships and how they come to the point of "death". I was really good friends (I had considered her my best friend at one point) with someone, and somewhere along the way she stopped talking to me/calling me. I sit and beat myself up over losing this friendship, but I'm not sure that it was something I even did. If you've had something like that happen to you, and if you're a woman, I'm sure you do the same and wonder about it from time to time. I guess if someone doesn't think you're worth fighting for, then should you fight for them?

And yes, just like the title says and just like the friendship (or lack thereof) I talked about above, my fall mums are dead as doornails and I can't for the life of me figure out why. I watered them, and even talked and pet them! Hahaha! But regardless, both situations suck! OK, one more than the other...but still...

Also, I AM going to continue the 30 Day Shred! I know I took some days off, and I shouldn't have. But, the funeral was just a little much and exhausted me...so I napped instead of working out! Tomorrow I WILL get back to it! (As long as I can find my will.) :D

Good night!