I hate today.

My papaw passed away today at age 86. This day has felt like it's lasted forever...I'm emotionally drained and exhausted. I used to take Peyton with me to his house and sit with him since he couldn't be by himself after his stroke. You know what his #1 complaint was? No, it wasn't his lack of coordination, wasn't his inability to walk and get around like he used to, wasn't his inability to speak the way he used to...#1 complaint was his inability to read his Bible. Papaw was a godly man, and loved the Lord. You could always find a Bible by his nightstand, and one by his recliner chair in the living room (where he sat all the time). It frustrated him to no end to not be able to read it. He could see the letters on the page and could read some of them, but the words in the sentence would get jumbled and confuse him. He did also complain that he was never going to get in his car to drive to McDonalds to people watch. :) Gotta love papaw!

A few days ago my sisters, mom and I went to the nursing home to visit him. He looked pretty bad...you could tell he didn't weigh hardly anything, and his color looked bad too. The cancer had taken over his body and he no longer had the desire to eat and drink. He was alert though, and tried to talk to us. He did say he couldn't wait to go to Heaven to see "mom" (aka. my mammaw). He kept telling us "when I die, I want you to..." and would babble on. So I know he knew it was coming soon. Funny thing is, is that tomorrow would've been his and mammaw's anniversary...so I am glad they get to spend it together. It's been some 20 years since they got to do that.

No one ever likes death or funerals...but I must say it makes it so much easier to cope with when you know for sure that person is in a much better place with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Day 2 of 30 Day Shred

Drenched in sweat...entire body shaking...I want to puke and die. That is all.

Day 1 of the 30 Day Shred

Ok...so I went to Walmart and spent $9 on Jillian Michael's DVD 30 Day Shred, and about $4.50 a piece on some 3 lb weights. Got home, put Peyton down for a nap and started my workout. Not even 2 minutes into it she was screaming and crying...evidently didn't want to take a nap. So I put her in her pack and play in the living room while I continued huffing and puffing my workout. That didn't last long either, so I eventually let her crawl around on the floor while I finished. I kept telling myself "It's only 20 minutes long, I can do this." Let me just say that was the most kick-butt 20 minutes of my LIFE!! Whoa, Jillian is a beast. I wanted to take a break during my workout simply for fear that I would have a heart attack and die on the spot while Peyton was pushing her Lion around the living room. But, then Jillian's annoying voice said "If a 400 pound person can do this, so can YOU." Then it hit me. I'm not even close to being half that in weight and I'm acting like I'm dying? C'mon...push harder...do these last two push ups like you mean it...one last jumping jack...is what I kept telling myself. Then I was dying for another break...just 2 minute break...I swear that's all I needed! But Jillian said "Do NOT take a break...you can do this. Push yourself. If you feel like you're dying, it's just your body adjusting." Hmm, Comforting.

I then looked down and noticed Peyton was laughing at me while I was jumping and flailing my arms around like a psychotic maniac. I saw her sweet, gorgeous little face and thought "Good grief Erin, do it for HER you freakin' slacker!" So I finished! And for the next 2 hours I wanted to puke soooo bad. No other workout (except for the P90X) made me feel that way. So, for the $9, it's well worth it!

Now it's the day after...I woke up and was pretty sore, but not so much that I couldn't move. On to day 2...I've got Gracie and Peyton both asleep, dogs are laying down actually being good and quiet...so now's the time. Ugh...I don't want to do this. BUT I have GOT to lose this weight. 15 pounds isn't too much to ask for, and I'm tired of putting it off. I want to make myself proud...I want to make my husband proud...I want to be able to be healthy to teach Peyton the same. I know TJ thinks I'm beautiful...but I want to BELIEVE it. I want to feel it. Here's to day 2! I hope you jump on the 30 Day Shred bandwagon with me!